Published November 23, 2008
So, i'm not sure how to delete this. I'll just leave it up for now, because it's late and my mind is mush.
--Anna
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,707 Reviews
Comma after hard.
You should put a that after then.
Should be: very likely to be the rotting of hundreds of bloody bodies...
Hmm. I think you could rephrase this to make it sound better. Maybe something like this: Will kicked at the wood, more for the purpose of venting his anger than knocking it loose.
I think, considering the situation, excitement is the wrong word to describe the circumstances. I think it should be "they sighed in relief" or something.
I think precious part would sound better.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you got all the hyphenations. Lol.
This is a great chapter to connect Napodi and Will some more, but you also need to move the plot of the story. If I were you, I would add these "Napodi and Will moments" in each chapter while moving on with the story. It'll make it more interesting for you to write and fun for the reader to read.
Ciao baby,
Dreamworx95,
XOXO